Thursday, November 11, 2010

The First Cut Is The Deepest

In thinking of a title for this post, the words from the song by Sheryl Crow came to my mind: The first cut is the deepest.

I have always known that saying is true when it comes to bad news. It is the initial shock that throws the Earth off balance, and sends your mind into disbelief with one resounding question: "why?" After that, you come to expect the bad news; or at least to prepare yourself for it. Each time hurts, but the damage is already done and you will never have the naivety that you once did. That sweet oblivion is gone.

The deepest cut I ever received was last Wednesday, when I was told my baby Mase had a brain tumor. A HUGE brain tumor. Life instantly looked grim, and I couldn't see past the next hour or so. How could I live without my SON? How could I trust my son to the care of people I didn't know? I was worried, anxious to know more, and feeling so uneducated about tumors. I felt embarrassed that I was so uneducated about something that had gotten to know my own son's brain very well.

That slice was bone-deep, and I felt every minute of it. I still feel every minute of it. But it's getting easier to deal with. Mase needing oxygen for a few days, having to get a milk & molasses enema, needing a feeding tube, possibly having the early stages of pneumonia, needing a second surgery; I'm taking it all in strides. None of these things are ideal, and I would rather my son not go through them. But these things were all found out after that initial shock that took away any obliviousness I had, and are being dealt with in a much less teary manner. I am now a little stronger.

And along those lines, I truly believe that we are given trials so that we may learn, and that we are lifted up in our trials.

And couldn't this be why the first cut is the deepest? ...because that's all it takes for Heavenly help to arrive; one cut.


This blog is basically a continuation of my other blog's posts, and Facebook updates, to document our journey through tumorville. If you are new, and haven't read the other posts yet, here is a list of them in order:

And the latest news is that Mason will be going back in for a second surgery this morning at 7:30 am, to get part of the tumor out that grew just behind his right eye. The surgery should be shorter and easier...or so they say....


  1. We are thinking of you and praying for Mason this morning. You are an excellent writer. Thank you for sharing all of these hard experiences.

  2. Pene you are such an amazing person. Honestly you are. Thank you for sharing your updates. I think of you and pray for you so much and yet wish there was more I could do. No one should have to go through all this - my heart aches for you and Mason.

  3. We are praying for you guys this morning! Thanks for sharing all your updates with us. Be strong, and fight!!!!!

  4. Pene - (This is Aunty Michelle on Uncle Curt's account)... I listened to and appreciated your message early this morning, as I didn't see the message until then. I too am so sorry for all of your and all of the Lolohea Ohana's anxieties and heartaches right now. I am not sure what time the surgery is today, but heading to the temple again to pray really, really hard for the doctors and little Mason. He sure is a trooper and such a great example to us all, as are you and all who are around you. Someone told me from her own personal experience, having a very, very debilitating disease and when I was struggling through she told me, "Please remember, these challenges are not for your benefit. They are for your family, friends, neighbors and loved ones to learn by your example how to deal with difficult things." I have since learned the wisdom in her encouragement, and have been inspired as I view my challenges with that perspective and uplifted as I feel so dearly and testify of Christ in every tribulation. Please feel our love and prayers for you all! I rediscovered a talk yesterday by Pres. Holland, "Lessons from Liberty Jail". If you listen to it online (BYUTV) you will hear a beautiful song at the end that is very touching, especially for those going through difficult things. Love you!

  5. Oh Pene, I'm so SO sorry. You are such an inspiration & amazing. I can't imagine this being an sort of easy for you & i can't imagine being in your position and having hte attitude you have. I love you & you're in Levi and My prayers.

  6. What a wonderful idea for this blog! I love your writing Pene as it is 'from the heart. You touch people deeply with your words and example. It makes a wonderful journal to look back on. We did this when Kirsten went through her brain surgery and kept a blog. I agree with Michelle, sometimes it is 'us' that need the growing through your example and experiences. What makes it wonderful is the 'bond' tha knits souls and hearts together. The most woonderful gift is that of the Savior's divine love and infinite tender mercies. I am always touched so deeply by the 'tender young parents' that go through trials such as yours. I can testify through our personal experience how much the gospel carries us. I think of the poem 'Footprints in the Sand', truly the Savior carries us and we do not walk alone. God bless both you and Mase and you are always in our hearts, thoughts and prayers. ♥