I have always known that saying is true when it comes to bad news. It is the initial shock that throws the Earth off balance, and sends your mind into disbelief with one resounding question: "why?" After that, you come to expect the bad news; or at least to prepare yourself for it. Each time hurts, but the damage is already done and you will never have the naivety that you once did. That sweet oblivion is gone.
The deepest cut I ever received was last Wednesday, when I was told my baby Mase had a brain tumor. A HUGE brain tumor. Life instantly looked grim, and I couldn't see past the next hour or so. How could I live without my SON? How could I trust my son to the care of people I didn't know? I was worried, anxious to know more, and feeling so uneducated about tumors. I felt embarrassed that I was so uneducated about something that had gotten to know my own son's brain very well.
That slice was bone-deep, and I felt every minute of it. I still feel every minute of it. But it's getting easier to deal with. Mase needing oxygen for a few days, having to get a milk & molasses enema, needing a feeding tube, possibly having the early stages of pneumonia, needing a second surgery; I'm taking it all in strides. None of these things are ideal, and I would rather my son not go through them. But these things were all found out after that initial shock that took away any obliviousness I had, and are being dealt with in a much less teary manner. I am now a little stronger.
And along those lines, I truly believe that we are given trials so that we may learn, and that we are lifted up in our trials.
And couldn't this be why the first cut is the deepest? ...because that's all it takes for Heavenly help to arrive; one cut.
This blog is basically a continuation of my other blog's posts, and Facebook updates, to document our journey through tumorville. If you are new, and haven't read the other posts yet, here is a list of them in order:
And the latest news is that Mason will be going back in for a second surgery this morning at 7:30 am, to get part of the tumor out that grew just behind his right eye. The surgery should be shorter and easier...or so they say....