Tuesday, March 15, 2011

latu rambles...

some days, it is easy to forget that mason is sick. we play games, he plays with his trains, and the world passes us by. on those days, mason spends his time zipping from thing to thing, always busy. he's "cooking", then playing a joke on someone, then playing trains, then watching a show. he's begging to go outside, then wanting to paint, then wanting to play games on the computer, then wanting to go see his cousins. those days are nice. they are the days that feel normal, that feel safe. on those days, it's easy to imagine the future; to plan for it. to be hopeful.

some days are not so. some days, when merely walking to the mailbox incites vomiting, it is harder. those are the days i hate; the days you wonder if he is throwing up because his body is exhausted from the walk, or if he is throwing up because his tumor is back, and pressing on that nerve again. the days when mason muses "remember when i didn't have to have thickened liquids? i loved those." on those days, it is easy to start to doubt, to feel sorry for yourself, but mostly to feel sorry for mason. to mourn for this sweet little boy, the path in life he's been given. the what-ifs start to sneak in and it only goes downhill from there. everyone knows that negative thinking is a sinkhole that does not stop growing. there will always be examples of why life is not fair, why you were shortchanged, and why the world owes you something.

the thing that is harder is to be content with what you've been given. mason is such a great example of this to me. sometimes, he asks questions about his cancer, or why something (like his thickened liquids--yes, he really calls them that :) has to be so. but he asks them with the innocence of a child. he is curious about it. once he knows, he goes back to playing, his curiosity sated. i envy this trust and contentment. over the course of his treatment, i have wished various things for him. first and foremost, was that he lived. well, live he did. then, i wanted nothing but a symptom-free recovery. lately, though, i have realized that the thing i wish the most for him is that he not lose his contentment. it is a huge blessing to be content in a situation like this, and i am sure it is one of the reasons he is doing so well. if there is one thing i wish for mason, it's to stay the happy, content boy we love.

well, that aside, here are some a lot of pictures, along with some commentary from yours truly (latu) it's fair to say that any picture of mason with hair is pre-cancer (well, i guess he might have had it then) pre-diagnosis. maybe when mason's carefree attitude was matched by his family's carefree attitude. would be a better description :)

mason and papa are having a camp out in front of their campfire. it's ok if you are jealous. 

 christmas 2010 blow gun fun.

 showing off his bag full of fishing stuff. does the profile on his shirt look familiar? yeah, his mom's a lot more talented than i am. 

ok, i think this pic is awesome. it's from september 2010, and mason's chubby stomach is busting out of his jeans. 

 mason and his darling cousin, brooklynn, mason's wishing he was old enough to play soccer

hands down one of mason's favorite people ever, his cousin jenna 

 just hangin with the cousins

 ok, really blurry lagoon pic. i had to add it in light of our upcoming trip to the big DW (7 days)

 his last haircut that was just that. 

just feeling left out of the pants club

no, his face is not lopsided from his tumor. that's his picture smile. you're mean for thinking that of a cancer kid.

 haha, i had to stick myself in here somehow. 

 riding his bike. good day

 trains with angie and spenser! you guys rock!

 he's a busy boy

cupcake chic. no photo montage of mason would be complete without this one. the day before mr. feeding tube's arrival


  1. I LOVE all the pictures you posted - Mason is the best. I think he is so expressive and hilarious - he definitely makes me smile and giggle. I love the 'feeling left out of the pants club' picture - how awesome of a shot you guys captured. I also love that you pointed out the profile on the one shirt - how amazing is that!? I can't wait to see you guys again :) - Love - Natalie

  2. latu, i think this post is brilliant. i really feel you - some days it is easier to accept the new path our lives are on and some days it is really, really hard. it is a constant struggle to learn how to yield my will to the Lord's and accept His will. mason is in our prayers!

    penelope: i am so sad - i don't think we're going to make it tonight! ah! originally, i had blocked this whole day out for prep time for tomorrow, but i really wanted to come and thought we could squeeze it in, but it's just not going to happen. i'm still running around like a chicken with my head cut off. why aren't there more hours in the day?? :) anyways, we'll be thinking of you and i hope you have a dynamite time!

  3. thanks, natalie! it was so great to see you guys on friday! mason was so happy!

    briana, thanks, it was so nice to finally meet you guys (twice!) elena's an adorable girl, and is constantly in our prayers, too!

  4. I loved this post :) fyi. Mason is such a little fighter. Its been amazing to see his progress and be able to be there for bits of it. Love you tons!