some days are not so. some days, when merely walking to the mailbox incites vomiting, it is harder. those are the days i hate; the days you wonder if he is throwing up because his body is exhausted from the walk, or if he is throwing up because his tumor is back, and pressing on that nerve again. the days when mason muses "remember when i didn't have to have thickened liquids? i loved those." on those days, it is easy to start to doubt, to feel sorry for yourself, but mostly to feel sorry for mason. to mourn for this sweet little boy, the path in life he's been given. the what-ifs start to sneak in and it only goes downhill from there. everyone knows that negative thinking is a sinkhole that does not stop growing. there will always be examples of why life is not fair, why you were shortchanged, and why the world owes you something.
the thing that is harder is to be content with what you've been given. mason is such a great example of this to me. sometimes, he asks questions about his cancer, or why something (like his thickened liquids--yes, he really calls them that :) has to be so. but he asks them with the innocence of a child. he is curious about it. once he knows, he goes back to playing, his curiosity sated. i envy this trust and contentment. over the course of his treatment, i have wished various things for him. first and foremost, was that he lived. well, live he did. then, i wanted nothing but a symptom-free recovery. lately, though, i have realized that the thing i wish the most for him is that he not lose his contentment. it is a huge blessing to be content in a situation like this, and i am sure it is one of the reasons he is doing so well. if there is one thing i wish for mason, it's to stay the happy, content boy we love.
well, that aside, here are
mason and papa are having a camp out in front of their campfire. it's ok if you are jealous.
christmas 2010 blow gun fun.
showing off his bag full of fishing stuff. does the profile on his shirt look familiar? yeah, his mom's a lot more talented than i am.
ok, i think this pic is awesome. it's from september 2010, and mason's chubby stomach is busting out of his jeans.
mason and his darling cousin, brooklynn, mason's wishing he was old enough to play soccer
hands down one of mason's favorite people ever, his cousin jenna
just hangin with the cousins
ok, really blurry lagoon pic. i had to add it in light of our upcoming trip to the big DW (7 days)
his last haircut that was just that.
just feeling left out of the pants club
no, his face is not lopsided from his tumor. that's his picture smile. you're mean for thinking that of a cancer kid.
haha, i had to stick myself in here somehow.
riding his bike. good day
trains with angie and spenser! you guys rock!
he's a busy boy
cupcake chic. no photo montage of mason would be complete without this one. the day before mr. feeding tube's arrival